The Twilight Saga 4: Breaking Dawn 10. Why Didn’t I Just Walk Away? …

10. Why Didnt I unspoilt Walk forward? Oh Right, Because Im An Idiot.I matte same(p) will care I dont endure what. handle this wasnt original. give explosive charge I was in ab forth(prenominal) Goth version of a bad sitcom. Instead of being the AAdweeb or so to ask the head cheerleader to the prom, I was the finished-second-place werewolf ab aside to ask the vampires wife to shack up and procreate. Nice.No, I wouldnt do it. It was misshapen and upon. I was waiver to forget on the whole in all virtually(predicate) what hed verbalise. further I would talk to her. Id try to make her lis hug drug to me.And she wouldnt. Just same forever.Edward didnt answer or comment on my thoughts as he led the way dressing to the house. I wonde reddened about the place that hed chosen to stop. Was it far enough from the house that the some others couldnt hear his whispers? Was that the bear d let?Maybe. When we walked by the door, the other Cullens eyes were suspicious a nd confused. No iodine sense of smelled disgusted or outraged. So they must non keep up hear either favor Edward had asked me for.I hesitated in the open doorway, not undisputable what to do at present. It was better near wing there, with a little bit of breathable air b menialing in from outside.Edward walked into the middle(a) of the huddle, shoulders stiff. Bella check intoed him anxiously, and then her eyes flickered to me for a second. thus she was watching him once again.Her view move a grayish pale, and I could soak up what he meant about the stress do her sapidity worse.Were loss tolet Jacob and Bella speak privately, Edward said. There was no inflection at all in his vocalisation. Robotic.Over my pile of ashes, Rosalie hissed at him. She was still hovering by Bellas head, hotshot of her cold give placed possessively on Bellas sickly cheek.Edward didnt opinion at her. Bella, he said in that same clear t hotshot. Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afr aid tobe alone with him?Bella looked at me, confused. Then she looked at Rosalie.Rose, its fine. Jakes not exhalation to yearn us. Go with Edward.It might be a trick, the ash-blonde warned.I dont compute how, Bella said.Carlisle and I go away always be in your sight, Rosalie, Edward said. The emotionless character was cracking, argueing the anger through it. Were the ones shes afraid of.No, Bella verbalize. Her eyes were glistening, her lashes wet. No, Edward. Im not___He shook his head, smiling a little. The grimace was painful to look at. I didnt mean it that way, Bella. Im fine. Dont worry about me.Sickening. He was right she was beating herself up about hurting his feelings. The girl was a classic martyr. Shed totally been born in the wrong century. She should behave lived anchor when she could have gotten herself fed to some lions for a dandy cause.Everyone, Edward said, his hand slap motioning toward the door. Please.The composure he was trying to keep up for Bel la was shaky. I could figure how c resort he was to that burning musical composition hed been outside. The others saw it, as well. Silently, they moved out the door while I shifted out of the way. They moved fast my pith beat twice, and the room was cleared except for Rosalie, hesitating in the middle of the floor, and Edward, still waiting by the door.Rose, Bella said quietly. I want you to go.The blonde glared at Edward and then gestured for him to go first. He disappeared out the door. She gave me a unyielding warning g milder, and then she disappeared, too.Once we were alone, I crossed the room and sit down on the floor next to Bella. I took both her cold reach in mine, rubbing them carefully.Thanks, Jake. That feels mature.Im not freeing to lie, Bells. Youre hideous.I know, she sighed. Tm scary- looking for.Thing-from-the-swamp scary, I agreed.She laughed. Its so nigh having you here. It feels nice to smile. I dont know how some(prenominal) more than than than dr ama I can stand.I rolled my eyes.Okay, okay, she agreed. I aim it on myself.Yeah, you do. Whatre you ventureing, Bells? SeriouslyDid he ask you to yell at me? part of. Though I cant figure why he prizes youd listen to me. You neer have originally.She sighed.I told you , I started to say.Did you know that 7 told you so has a brother, Jacob? she asked, discriminating me off. His name is Shut the hell up.Good one.She grinned at me. Her skin stretched airless over the bones. I cant ride credit i got it off a rerun of The SimpsonsMissed that one.It was funny.We didnt talk for a minute. Her hands were starting to immediate up a little.Did he genuinely ask you to talk to me?I nodded. To talk some sense into you. Theres a battle thats lost before it starts.So why did you agree?I didnt answer. I wasnt sure I knew.I did know this every second I spent with her was besides issue to add to the pain I would have to suffer later. equivalent a junkie with a limited supply, the day o f reckoning was approach for me. The more hits I took now, the harder it would be when my supply ran out.Itll work out, you know, she said after a quiet minute. I believe that.That do me know red again. Is dementia one of your symptoms? I snapped.She laughed, though my anger was so real that my hands were shaking around hers.Maybe, she said. Tm not saying considers stick out for work out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived through all that Ive lived through and not believe in magic by this point?Magic?Especially for you, she said. She was smiling. She pulled one of her hands away from mine and touch it against my cheek. Warmer than before, moreover it felt cool against my skin, equal most issues did. more(prenominal) than anyone else, youve got some magic waiting to make things right for you.What are you talk about?Still smiling. Edward told me once what it was kindred your work thing. He said it was like A Midsummer Nights Dream, like magic. Youll find who you re really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all of this volition make sense.If she hadnt looked so tenuous I wouldve been screaming.As it was, I did growl at her.If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity I struggled for words. Do you really think that bonny because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right? I jabbed a flick toward her swollen body. Tell me what the point was then, Bella What was the point of me good-natured you? What was the point of you loving him? When you die the words were a snarl how is that ever right again? Whats the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his Youll kill him, too, not that I care about that. She flinched, but I kept going. So what was thepoint of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I dont promise it.She sighed. I dont know yet, Jake. But I serious feel that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is now. I approximate y ou could call it faith.Youre dying for nil, Bella NothingHer hand dropped from my await to her bloated stomach, caressed it. She didnt have to say the words for me to know what she was mentation. She was dying for it.Im not going to die, she said through her teeth, and I could regularise she was repeating things shed said before. I will keep my heart beating. Im blotto enough for that.Thats a commitment of crap, Bella. Youve been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No dominion person can do it. Youre not strong enough. I took her face in my hand. I didnt have to re question myself to be gentle. Everything about her screamed breakable.I can do this. I can do this, she muttered, sounding a lot like that kids book about the little engine that could.Doesnt look like it to me. So whats your plan? I hope you have one.She nodded, not fancying my eyes. Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was human, I mean.So?So she was close enough to dead that they didn t even bother pickings her to the emergency room they took her right around to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle rig her___Thats what shed meant before, about keeping her heart beating.Youre not planning on live on this human, I stated dully.No. Im not stupid. She met my stare then. I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though.Emergency vampirization, I mumbled.It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesnt end lives, he buts them.I felt a fulminant twinge of guilt about the good vampire doctor, like before. I shoved the thought away and started in on the plead. attend to me, Bells. Dont do it that way. Like before, when the call from Charlie had pass, I could see how much disagreement it really made to me. I realized I needed her to sting alive, in some form. In any form. I took a deep breath. Dont wait un til its too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Dont do this to me. Dont do it to him. My voice got harder, louder. You know what hes going to do when you die. Youve seen it before. You want him to go seat to those Italian killers? She cringed into the sofa.I remaining out the part about how that wouldnt be necessary this time. attempt to make my voice softer, I asked, believe when I got mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?I waited, but she wouldnt answer. She pressed her lips together.You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle, I reminded her. And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. Foryou.You listened because it was the right thing to do.Okay pick either reason.She took a deep breath. Its not the right thing now. Her gaze touched her enceinte round stomach and she whispered under her breath, I wont kill him.My hands shook again. Oh, I hadnt hear the great news. A bouncing baby male child, huh? Shoulda brought some blueballoons.Her face t urned pink. The color was so beautiful it twisted in my stomach like a knife. A serrated knife, rusty and ragged.I was going to lose this. again.I dont know hes a boy, she admitted, a little sheepish. The ultrasound wouldnt work. The tissue layer around the baby is too hard like their skin. So hes a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head.Its not some pretty baby in there, Bella.Well see, she said. almost smug.You wont, I convoluted.Youre very pessimistic, Jacob. There is definitely a prognosis that I might walk away from this.I couldnt answer. I looked down and disenfranchised deep and slow, trying to get a grip on my fury.Jake, she said, and she patted my hair, stroked my cheek. Its going to be okay. Shh. its okay.I didnt look up. No. It will not be okay.She wiped something wet from my cheek. Shh.Whats the have it off, Bella? I stared at the pale carpet. My bare feet were dirty, leaving smudges. Good. I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire mor e than anything. And now youre effective giving him up? That doesnt make any sense. Since when are you dread(a) to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you wed a vampire?I was dangerously close to that offer he wanted me to make. I could see the words taking me that way, but I couldnt change their direction.She sighed. Its not like that. I didnt really care about having a baby. I didnt even think about it. Its not besides having a baby. Its well this baby.Its a killer, Bella. Look at yourself.Hes not. Its me. Im just sapless and human. But I can tough this out, Jake, I can Aw, come on Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but youre not fooling me. You know youre not going to make it.She glared at me. I do not know that. Im worried about it, sure.Worriedabout it, I tell through my teeth.She gasped then and clutched at her stomach. My fury vanished like a combust switch being turned off.Im fine, she panted. Its nothing.But I didnt hear her hands had pulled her sweatshirt to the side, and I stared, horrified, at the skin it exposed. Her stomach looked like it was stained with big splotches of purple-black ink.She saw my stare, and she yanked the fabric back in place.Hes strong, thats all, she said defensively.The ink spots were bruises.I almost gagged, and I understood what hed said, about watching it hurt her. Suddenly, I felt a little crazy myself.Bella, I said.She hear the change in my voice. She looked up, still breathing heavy, her eyes confused.Bella, dont do thisJake Listen to me. Dont get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if ?What if what?What if this wasnt a one-shot deal? What if it wasnt all or nothing? What if you just listened to Carlisle like a good girl, and kept yourself alive?I wont Im not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didnt work out. Try again.She frowned. She raised one hand and touched the place where my eyebrows were mashing together. Her fingers smoothed my foreh ead for a sec while she well-tried to make sense of it.I dont understand. What do you mean, try again? You cant think Edward would let me ? And what difference would it make? Im sure any baby Yes, I snapped. Any kid of his would be the same.Her pall face just got more confused. What?But I couldnt say any more. There was no point. I would never be able to save her from herself. Id never been able to do that.Then she blinked, and I could see she got it.Oh. Ugh. Please, Jacob. You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic assuagement? Artificial insemination? She was mad now. Why would I want to have some strangers baby? I suppose it just doesnt make a difference? Any baby will do?I didnt mean that, I muttered. Not a stranger.She leaned forward. Then what are you saying?Nothing. Im saying nothing. analogous as ever.Where did that come from?Forget it, Bella.She frowned, suspicious. Did he tell you to say that? I hesitated, wonderd that shed made that leap so qu ick. No.He did, didnt he?No, really. He didnt say anything about artificial whatsoever.Her face softened then, and she sank back against the pillows, looking exhausted. She stared off to the side when she spoke, not talking to me at all. He would do anything forme. And Im hurting him so much. But what is he thinking? That I would trade this her hand traced across her intumesce for some strangers She mumbled the polish part, and then her voice trailed off. Her eyes were wet.You dont have to hurt him, I whispered. It burned like poison in my mouth to beg for him, but I knew this angle was probably my best bet for keeping her alive. Still a thousand-to-one odds. You could make him happy again, Bella. And I really think hes losing it. Honestly, I do.She didnt see to be listening her hand made small circles on her buffet stomach while she chewed on her lip. It was quiet for a long time. I wondered if the Cullens were very far away. Were they listening to my pathetic attempts to reason with her?Not a stranger? she murmured to herself. I flinched. What exactly did Edward say to you? she asked in a low voice.Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me.Not that. round trying again.Her eyes locked on mine, and I could see that Id already give too much away.Nothing.Her mouth fell open a little. Wow.It was mum for a few heartbeats. I looked down at my feet again, unable to meet her stare.He really would do anything, wouldnt he? she whispered.I told you he was going crazy. Literally, Bells.Im surprised you didnt tell on him right away. Get him in trouble.When I looked up, she was grinning.Thought about it. I tried to grin back, but I could feel the smile mangle on my face.She knew what I was offering, and she wasnt going to think twice about it. Id known that she wouldnt. But it still stung.There isnt much you wouldnt do for me, either, is there? she whispered. I really dont know why you bother. I dont deserve either of you.It makes no difference, though, d oes it?Not this time. She sighed. I wish I could explain it to you right so that you would understand. I cant hurthim she pointed to her stomach any more than I could pick up a gun and shoot you. I love him.Why do you always have to love the wrong things, Bella?I dont think I do.I cleared the lump out of my throat so that I could make my voice hard like I wanted it. Trust me.I started to get to my feet.Where are you going?Im not doing any good here.She held out her thin hand, pleading. Dont go.I could feel the addiction sucking at me, trying to keep me near her.I dont belong here. Ive got to get back.Why did you come today? she asked, still ambit limply.Just to see if you were really alive. I didnt believe you were sick like Charlie said.I couldnt tell from her face whether she bought that or not.Will you come back again? Before Im not going to hang around and watch you die,Bella.She flinched. Youre right, youre right. You should go.I headed for the door.Bye, she whispered behind me. Love you, Jake.I almost went back. I almost turned around and fell down on my knees and started begging again. But I knew that I had to quitBella, quit her cold turkey, before she killed me, like she was going to kill him.Sure, sure, I mumbled on my way out.I didnt see any of the vampires. I ignored my bike, stand all alone in the middle of the meadow. It wasnt fast enough for me now. My dad would be freaked out Sam, too. What would the subscribe to make of the fact that they hadnt heard me phase? Would they think the Cullens got me before Id had the chance? I stripped down, not caring who might be watching, and started running. I blurred into wolf mid-stride.They were waiting. Of course they were.Jacob, Jake,eight voices chorused in relief.Come homenow, the Alpha voice ordered. Sam was furious.I felt Paul fade out, and i knew truncheon and Rachel were waiting to hear what had happened to me. Paul was too anxious to give them the good news that I wasnt vampire chow to listen to the whole story.I didnt have to tell the train I was on my way they could see the forest blurring past me as I sprinted for home. I didnt have to tell them that I was half-past crazy, either. The sickness in my head was obvious.They saw all the crime Bellas mottled stomach her raspy voice hes strong, thats all the burning man in Edwards face watching her sicken and waste away visual perception it hurting her, Rosalie crouched over Bellas limp body Bellas life means nothing to her and for once, no one had anything to say.Their shock was just a silent shout out in my head. Wordless.I was halfway home before anyone recovered. Then they all started running to meet me.It was almost dark the clouds covered the sunset completely. I risked darting across the freeway and made it without being seen.We met up about ten miles out of La Push, in a clearing left by the loggers. It was out of the way, wedged between two spurs of the mountain, where no one would see us. Paul found them w hen I did, so the pack was complete.The babble in my head was total chaos. Everyone shouting at once.Sams hackles were sticking cracking up, and he was growling in an unbroken stream as he paced back and forth around the top of the ring. Paul and Jared moved like shadows behind him, their ears flat against the sides of their head. The whole circle was agitated, on their feet and snarling in low bursts.At first their anger was undefined, and I thought I was in for it. I was too messed up to care about that. They could do whatever they wanted to me for circumventing orders.And then the unfocused confusion of thoughts began to move together.How can this be? What does it mean? What will it be?Not safe. Not right. Dangerous.Unnatural. Monstrous. An abomination.We cant allow it.The pack was pacing in synchronization now, thinking in synchronization, all but myself and one other. I sat beside whichever brother it was, too dazed to look over with either my eyes or my mind and see who was n ext to me, while the pack circled around us.The treaty does not cover this.This puts everyone in danger.I tried to understand the spiraling voices, tried to follow the kink pathway the thoughts made to see where they were leading, but it wasnt do sense. The pictures in the nub of their thoughts were my pictures the very worst of them. Bellas bruises, Edwards face as he burned.They fear it, too.But they wont do anything about itProtecting Bella Swan.We cant let that influence us.The safety of our families, of everyone here, is more important than one human.If they wont kill it, we have to.Protect the nation.Protect our families.We have to kill it before its too late.Another of my memories, Edwards words this time The thing is growing. Swiftly.I struggled to focus, to pick out individual voices.No time to waste,Jared thought.It will mean a make do,Embry cautioned. A bad one.Were ready,Paul insisted.Well need surprise on our side,Sam thought.If we thingumabob them divided, we ca n take them down separately. It will outgrowth our chances of victory, Jared thought, starting to strategize now.I shook my head, rising slowly to my feet. 1 felt unsteady there like the circling wolves were making me dizzy. The wolf beside me got up, too. His shoulder pushed against mine, propping me up.Wait,I thought.The circling paused for one beat, and then they were pacing again.Theres little time,Sam said.But what are you thinking? You wouldnt fill out them for breaking the treaty this afternoon. Now youre planning an ambush, when the treaty is still inviolate?This is not something our treaty anticipated,Sam said. This is a danger to every human in the area. We dont know what kind of wildcat the Cullens have bred, but we know that it is strong and fast-growing. And it will be too young to follow any treaty. Remember the newborn vampires we fought? Wild, violent, beyond the reach of reason or restraint. Imagine one like that, but protected by the Cullens.We dont know I t ried to interrupt.Wedont know, he agreed. And we cant take chances with the unknown in this case. We can only allow the Cullens to exist while were absolutely sure that they can be bank not to cause harm. This. . . thing cannot be trusted.They dont like it any more than we do.Sam pulled Rosalies face, her protective crouch, from my mind and put it on display for everyone. whatsoever are ready to fight for it, no matter what it is.Its just ababy, for scream out loud.Not for long,Leah whispered.Jake, buddy, this is a big problem,Quil said. We cant just ignore it.Youre making it into something bigger than it is,I argued. The only one whos in danger here is Bella.Again by her own extract,Sam said. But this time her choice affects us all.I dont think so.We cant take that chance. We wont allow a blood drinker to track down on our lands.Then tell them to leave,the wolf who was still supporting me said. It was readiness. Of course.And lower the menace on others? When blood drinkers cr oss our land, we destroy them, no matter where they plan to hunt. We protect everyone we can.This is crazy,I said. This afternoon you were afraid to put the pack in danger.This afternoon I didnt know our families were at risk.I cant believe this Howre you going to kill this creature without cleaning Bella?There were no words, but the secrecy was full of meaning.I howled. Shes human, too Doesnt our protection apply to her?Shes dying anyway,Leah thought. Well just shorten the process.That did it. I leaped away from Seth, toward his sister, with my teeth bared. I was about to catch her left hind leg when I felt Sams teeth justify into my flank, dragging me back.I howled in pain and fury and turned on him.Stophe ordered in the double timbre of the Alpha.My legs seemed to distort under me. I jerked to a halt, only managing to keep on my feet by sheer willpower.He turned his gaze away from me. You will not be cruel to him, Leah, he commanded her. Bellas sacrifice is a heavy price, and we will all recognize that It is against everything we stand for to take a human life. make an exception to that code is a bleak thing. We will all rue for what we do tonight.Tonight?Seth repeated, shocked. Sam think we should talk about this some more. Consult with the Elders, at least. You cant seriously mean for us to We cant render your tolerance for the Cullens now. There is no time for debate. Youwilldo as you are told, Seth.SetfYs foregoing knees folded, and his head fell forward under the weight of the Alphas command.Sam paced in a tight circle around the two of us.We need the whole pack for this. Jacob, you are our strongest fighter. Youwillfight with us tonight. I understand that this is hard for you, so you will concentrate on their fighters Emmett and Jasper Cullen. You dont have to be involved with the other part. Quil and Embry will fight with you.My knees trembled I struggled to hold myself upright while the voice of the Alpha lashed at my will.Paul, Jared, and I will take on Edward and Rosalie. I think, from the information Jacob has brought us, they will be the ones guarding Bella. Carlisle and Alice will also be close, peradventure Esme. Brady, Collin,Seth, and Leah will concentrate on them. Whoever has a clear lineon we all heard him mentally stutter overBellas name the creature will take it. Destroying the creature is our first priority.The pack rumbled in nervous agreement.The tension had everyones fur standing on end. The pacing was quicker, and the sound of the paws against the brackish floor was sharper, toenails tearing into the soil. but Seth and I were still, the eye in the center of a force of bared teeth and flattened ears. Seths nose was almost touching the ground, bow down under Sams commands. I felt his pain at the coming disloyalty. For him this was a betrayal during that one day of alliance, fighting beside Edward Cullen, Seth had truly give way the vampires friend.There was no resistance in him, however. He would obey no matter how much it hurt him. He had no otherchoice.And what choice did I have? When the Alpha spoke, the pack followed.Sam had never pushed his assurance this far before I knew he honestly hated to see Seth kneeling before him like a slave at the foot of his master. He wouldnt force this if he didnt believe that he had no other choice. He couldnt lie to us when we were linked mind to mind like this. He really believed it was our duty to destroy Bella and the monster she carried. He really believed we had no time to waste. He believed it enough to die for it.I saw that he would face Edward himself Edwards ability to read our thoughts made him the sterling(prenominal) threat in Sams mind. Sam would not let someone else take on that danger.He saw Jasper as the second-greatest opponent, which is why hed given him to me. He knew that I had the best chance of any of the pack to win that fight. Hed left the easiest targets for the younger wolves and Leah. Little Alice was no dan ger without her future vision to break away her, and we knew from our time of alliance that Esme was not a fighter. Carlisle would be more of a challenge, but his hatred of violence would hinder him.I felt sicker than Seth as I watched Sam plan it out, trying to work the angles to give each member of the pack the best chance of survival.Everything was inside out. This afternoon, Id been champ at the bit to attack them. But Seth had been right it wasnt a fight Id been ready for. Id blinded myself with that hate. I hadnt let myself look at it carefully, because I must have known what I would see if I did.Carlisle Cullen. Looking at him without that hate clouding my eyes, I couldnt deny that killing him was murder. He was good. Good as any human we protected. Maybe better. The others, too, I supposed, but I didnt feel as strongly about them. I didnt know them as well. It was Carlisle who would hate fighting back, even to save his own life. Thats why we would be able to kill him bec ause he wouldnt want us, his enemies, to die.This was wrong.And it wasnt just because killing Bella felt like killing me, like suicide.Pull it together, Jacob,Sam ordered. The tribe comes firstI was wrong today, Sam.Your reasons were wrong then. But now we have a duty to fulfill.I braced myself. No.Sam snarled and stopped pacing in front of me. He stared into my eyes and a deep growl slid between his teeth.Yes,the Alpha decreed, his double voice sultry with the heat of his authority. There are no loopholes tonight. You, Jacob, are going to fight the Cullens with us. You, with Quil and Embry, will take care of Jasper and Emmett. You are obligated to protect the tribe. That is why you exist. You willperform this obligation.My shoulders hunched as the edict crushed me. My legs collapsed, and I was on my belly under him.No member of the pack could refuse the Alpha.